If asked by anyone else, Hannibal would say he doesn't remember the last time he cried. If Will or Neph asked, he'd say that it was during his first day at the orphanage, about twenty-four hours after he'd been found wandering the woods alone and half-frozen. It's less due to the effort of remaining stoic and more due to the fact that nothing seems to quite reach in close enough to hurt him that way again. Anything short of losing Mischa barely even registers as pain.
If he lost Neph, though? Or if Will had been killed during the initial fight with their captors? As Neph buries her face against his neck and Hannibal doesn't comment on the way her eyes welled up just before she pressed in, Hannibal thinks that that may have done it for him.
Perhaps the relief of not losing him feels similarly for Neph. Hannibal finds he enjoys that thought, just as he enjoys the way Neph clings to him. It's like steel foundations being built next to his own ironclad sense of self - like Neph wanting and needing him makes himself more complete, more important.
'Is it...because you just realized you're in love with Neph?'
Hannibal tilts further over Neph, lets his torso turn towards her at an angle that is absolutely unsustainable for his spine but which finally gives them enough points of contact. "Of course I only meant dangerous people. Will feels removed from the rest of humanity as well, whether or not he meets either of our requirements for being outside that group." Hannibal can't help but feel that catch in the thought though, where Neph's now laid down a snag. Will is used to being alone. It's not unreasonable to think that, enough horrible events witnessed, he might go rogue from all sides and become his own force, going after whoever seems most dangerous.
That's...a threatening thought.
'Could you let him go?' Hannibal stays very, very still at that. He can feel his own pulse elevate, moment by moment, until he forcibly breathes slower and his heart beat has to match it.
"...I don't think I could hurt him to make him stay." Hannibal says, very softly. He says it like that would've been his first thought, before. His grip on Neph's hand has tightened, although he hasn't noticed. "I'm not...sure what I would do." And he's finding, to his surprise, that he doesn't like thinking about it. Hannibal can entertain himself with theoretical scenarios without consequence, most of the time - or so he thought. Or has he just always looked away from the scenarios he didn't like?
"I don't know what I would do if you left me, either." Hannibal says, and that thought has barbs. It's not just words. It's got weight, enough to crush his ribs if he lets it sit there on his chest. He thinks he would kill everyone who he thought had contributed to Neph leaving him, but he can already feel the hole that would leave.
"Why would you ask me that?" There's no accusation in his voice, just blank surprise. Surprise at himself for his reaction, surprise at Neph for her continued insistence that Will won't understand them, won't want them, once he finds out enough of the truth. She's always thought that. It never stopped, apparently, not even after Will proved that the mutant/magic angle wasn't enough to scare him away. "Do you think everyone would leave you, and would leave me, once they find out how high the risk is?"
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timeasmymeasure
...oh my god /i was ten/ what the hell
Date: 2017-08-29 10:50 pm (UTC)If he lost Neph, though? Or if Will had been killed during the initial fight with their captors? As Neph buries her face against his neck and Hannibal doesn't comment on the way her eyes welled up just before she pressed in, Hannibal thinks that that may have done it for him.
Perhaps the relief of not losing him feels similarly for Neph. Hannibal finds he enjoys that thought, just as he enjoys the way Neph clings to him. It's like steel foundations being built next to his own ironclad sense of self - like Neph wanting and needing him makes himself more complete, more important.
'Is it...because you just realized you're in love with Neph?'
Hannibal tilts further over Neph, lets his torso turn towards her at an angle that is absolutely unsustainable for his spine but which finally gives them enough points of contact. "Of course I only meant dangerous people. Will feels removed from the rest of humanity as well, whether or not he meets either of our requirements for being outside that group." Hannibal can't help but feel that catch in the thought though, where Neph's now laid down a snag. Will is used to being alone. It's not unreasonable to think that, enough horrible events witnessed, he might go rogue from all sides and become his own force, going after whoever seems most dangerous.
That's...a threatening thought.
'Could you let him go?' Hannibal stays very, very still at that. He can feel his own pulse elevate, moment by moment, until he forcibly breathes slower and his heart beat has to match it.
"...I don't think I could hurt him to make him stay." Hannibal says, very softly. He says it like that would've been his first thought, before. His grip on Neph's hand has tightened, although he hasn't noticed. "I'm not...sure what I would do." And he's finding, to his surprise, that he doesn't like thinking about it. Hannibal can entertain himself with theoretical scenarios without consequence, most of the time - or so he thought. Or has he just always looked away from the scenarios he didn't like?
"I don't know what I would do if you left me, either." Hannibal says, and that thought has barbs. It's not just words. It's got weight, enough to crush his ribs if he lets it sit there on his chest. He thinks he would kill everyone who he thought had contributed to Neph leaving him, but he can already feel the hole that would leave.
"Why would you ask me that?" There's no accusation in his voice, just blank surprise. Surprise at himself for his reaction, surprise at Neph for her continued insistence that Will won't understand them, won't want them, once he finds out enough of the truth. She's always thought that. It never stopped, apparently, not even after Will proved that the mutant/magic angle wasn't enough to scare him away. "Do you think everyone would leave you, and would leave me, once they find out how high the risk is?"